Grandmom #6

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Evening with Stan and Jean

Hope you're not all getting tired of my grandparents stories...But tonight was tremendously rich. Let me give you a sample of an evening with my beloved grandparents. The first thing that greets my eyes when I come into the kitchen from the frigid 15 degree night is Grandmom, wearing Pop-pop's short sleeved shirt. And....wait a sec--her hair...is... it's purple in the front! What the...?? (I still don't know what that is from...) We sit down to dinner and haven't gotten very far when the phone rings. Grandmom answers. Apparently it's the state police, asking for money. We listen as the conversation unfolds; "What's that? Could you repeat that please? I'm sorry, I didn't get that. What about bacon and advantage? I guess we got those. Ok, I have to ask my husband. STAN!" "What."  "C'mere." Pop-pop growls "I'm not comin'. They just want my money." Mom explains, "They're probably buying teddy bears for the poor kids again." Grandmom's worried. "Why won't he come!" Tess explain, "You can just hang up, Grandmom. They just want your money." "Huh?" "Just hang up!" "How do you know!" "They already called us." "Well, if you already called them then that's ok and...we'll pray for you and that's fine--[into the phone]--right?...What?" She returns to the table and conversation turns to the converter box we need on their TV. Mom says, "I think it would be nice to have it, Dad. Mom likes the cartoons and they make her laugh. It's good for her to laugh." Suddenly all Grandmom's wrinkles point up and her face lights up. She exclaims with a high squeaky voice, "How did you know?" We bust out laughing, and she turns to me. "How did you know?" To Tess, "Did you know that?" When we calm down, she remarks that it's cold in here. Mom says, "Well you are wearing short sleeves!" Tess brings her a sweatshirt and attempts to get it over her head. It stops. Two fists raise themselves threateningly toward Tess's nose. Pop-pop grunts, "Now you look like one of them Hindus!" The sweatshirt starts shaking. She takes it off and looks at the front. "Ooh! There's a ...flower on it! Look Stan. It's purty. Did you see it?" "I've only seen it ten thousand times!" "Oh..." "She used to live across the street." [A vague reference to the screenprinting shop that actually did used to be across the street from them.] Grandmom tries to get it back on. Tess warns, "Don't get stuck, Grandmom!" Misunderstanding, Pop-pop rebukes her--"She already is fat! Must be 160 pounds!" [Grandmom is about 5'2"...] Grandmom's eyebrows lower and her wrinkles all point down. She swells with indignation "I....I....I don't!.....I never did live like that!" "Yes you are!" Pop-shakes his head vehemently at her. (Just for the record, Pop-pop is the nicest man in the world, and isn't intending to insult his wife. They just both have a phobia of fatness... And his eyesight isn't the best... ah well.)