This piece was written for school as an attempt to get inside the mind of Peter the
Apostle during the time before Jesus’ death. Highlighting a few
encounters with Peter from the book of Luke, I want to understand better how Peter responded to Jesus in
his hidden man—perhaps we would call it the subconscious. Feelings are often
hidden, and the thoughts that make them are even more subtle. I will of course
take some liberties with the small amount of text that is descriptive of him,
using much personal interpretation of his inner workings. Jesus has a
profound and searching affect on all those who know him, “judging the thoughts
and intentions of the heart”. My intent is not to vilify or cheapen the
character of this mighty man of God (as he became) or to make him “casual”, but
by examining (and making assumptions about) his interactions with Jesus to be
challenged in my own heart to acknowledge sin and be changed by the Son of God.
I hope it may do the same for you.
(Luke 5:1-11)
So this spiritual guy was interesting. Peter really respected
the way he taught the people, cutting to the practical realities of life, not
making up a lot of extra rules to keep. He seemed to see past appearances and
be concerned with authenticity—Peter liked that, and didn’t mind lending his
boat for Jesus to sit away from the pressing crowds. (“He knows a good boat
when he sees it, too.”) But then Jesus stops talking to the crowds and starts
telling him how to fish! That was slightly amusing. Jesus was great at
preaching, but now he was entering Peter’s
sphere of work—one more cast of the nets after an entire night of catching
NOTHING! “Why does he care about my business?” But Peter was game—to prove
Jesus wrong, perhaps. (“Maybe he’ll find out he should leave the fishing to the
fishermen. Not that I’d mind getting a few fish today after such a rotten night…”)
Then whammo! FISH! (“What in the world?? That’s a lot of
fish! Heheey…Wait a minute. Isn’t he a carpenter? How does he know about fish?
And how did he know they would all be just there just then—especially at this
hour of the morning?! We never got this many even at night! This is creeping me
out…Who IS he??” Peter forgot the groaning nets and collapsed to his knees—“Go
away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” But Jesus was full of surprises. Not a
“thank you very much for finally noticing how amazing I am”. He didn’t let
Peter stay long in his state of shocked worship, but hauled him up. “Don’t be
afraid”. (“Darn right I’m afraid when I see a catch like that come in at eleven
in the morning! He’s got some kind of power I’ve never seen before and he’s
standing in my boat! He doesn’t know
who I am—I’m a pretty rough-and-tumble guy, and…well, religion isn’t my
favorite subject…”) “From now on you will catch men.”
Ok…??? Admittedly, Jesus had a head on his shoulders, and
strong hands as well. He really seems to care about normal hard-working
people—and he could work hard himself, helping pull in all that load of
mackerel. (“And didn’t he go and help Rachel’s mother when she was nearly gone?
That wasn’t so long ago. She’s been a bit different since then…What a kind
thing to do. He really means business, doesn’t he? Business with real
people…business with me…? Now he
wants me to follow him. Why?? I don’t understand him very well, but he’s got
something I want.”)Whatever the strange affect Jesus seemed to have on him,
Peter couldn’t be content not to find
out more. “I’m coming!”
Fast-forward…the ministry honeymoon
was over…(Luke 22:21-24)
That was some kind of a strange dinner. Not a typical
Passover, the way Jesus had talked about blood and flesh…He’d been acting
stranger and stranger this last week. And now he had just made a frightening
prediction that one of these twelve would betray him! Treason was on the minds
of all the disciples now. They began to discuss “could it be you, or you—or me?
Who will it be?” and then the conversation turned to WHY it wouldn’t be each
one himself… (“After all, don’t we
all have these things in our favor? Don’t we all have amazing characters? This
one has bulldog-ish loyalty, that one is very reasonable and never angry, this
one is very religious, that one is such a hard worker…”) Each one was secretly
thinking his own personality was really the best for everyone. Hadn’t they all
given up everything to follow Jesus? And they all began to compare their own merits
to the others’, assuming none of them could actually be the traitor…Rather, indeed, “Which of the
should be the greatest”?
(Luke 22:31-34)
But Peter had a shock indeed when the Lord turned to him;
“Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your
faith shall not fail; and when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers”.
He had just been talking about his betrayal (in rather ambiguous terms). He
didn’t name any of the others, but now he singled out Peter! Did he then mean
that Peter was the one? “Denial, even
three times!” No wonder Peter protested. Nobody wanted to be That One who would
do such a shameful thing. Yet here Jesus was already talking about when Peter
would turn back to him. (“What do you
mean, turn back? I’m not going to leave you in the first place, I swear! Gah,
why do you have to accuse me of such a rotten thing! Are you trying to make us do something terrible?”) But he
was beginning to tremble a bit inside… What if he was right? He quickly covered up that frightful thought with
braggadocio. “I am ready to go with you to prison and to death!” And the nerve
of Jesus, to be talking already about praying for him, strengthening him,
protecting him… (“He always sounds so holy; why must he expect the worst of me?
I’m not so bad—and certainly not THAT bad! I’ll show him, just as soon as I
can, that I am loyal.”)
(Luke 22:47-51)
The time has come! Yes, admittedly Peter had already fallen
asleep while trying to pray. Even after that little confrontation with Jesus
earlier about loyalty…It was a little
embarrassing when Jesus came back and was so disappointed with them all. (“But
honestly, Jesus has always seemed a little over the top with prayer! He can’t
expect everybody to be as dedicated
as that!”) Oh well, Peter was a practical man. Spiritual stuff always left him
a little dry. Besides, he already left his wife and maybe a bunch of kids to
have the Passover with Jesus! Who does he think sacrificed the most to come and
be with Jesus, particularly on this special night when most families were
together—the singles or the family guys? (“He ought to appreciate the effort
we’ve all made for him so far!”)
But now! Something is happening. Wha…WHAT did Judas just do?!
God—was that it? It was! That was
what Jesus was talking about at the table. (“Why that little rat!”) The others
were panicking as they saw what was about to happen, helplessly looking at each
other. “Jesus! Say something! Should we fight?” but Peter didn’t wait. (“Boy am
I glad it wasn’t me after all. Jesus sure scared me with that bit about Satan
sifting. Now I know it was Judas all along!”) His hand flew to his sword—at
last, something he knew how to do! A moment to prove his ultimate loyalty. (“He
ought to know I will follow Him anywhere—go to jail with Him, even die with
Him!”) But he didn’t go for the soldiers. (“Seriously. Those guys are tough.”)
And not for the high priest. (“That might lead to some serious trouble!”)
Rather just that little twerp carrying a torch—thwack. (“I can fight for Jesus
if he won’t fight for himself!”)
And what did Jesus do? “Hey! Peter! Put away your sword. (You
little yapping puppy)…Here, let me fix that, young man.” Peter could hardly
believe his eyes as Jesus quickly passed his hand over the youth’s bloody head
and the ear was restored. Well, Peter had seen him do things like that—but
Jesus was always concerned with faith
before! Not a word about that now, he just did that on purpose to contradict
what Peter did. (Barker 1985, 1552.)
(“What in the world.
What a frustrating man! Why does he have to be so …passive? Why does he just
LET these self-righteous, intolerant religious people walk all over him? We all
know that’s the best man that ever lived—even more, the Son of God! I know who he is. He’s got true religion, not they. God, if He would just defend himself—or
at least let US defend him! Why does he have this infuriating death-wish when
there is so much potential?! I love
that guy more than anybody I know, but he bugs the life out of me. Here I am
trying to protect him—I’m not a traitor like that idiot Judas—and he goes and makes
a fool out of me in front of our common enemies! Doesn’t he know who his
friends are?”)
(Luke 22:54)
No wonder then Peter followed the captors at a distance. He
can’t seem to do anything right in Jesus’ eyes, whether he’s talking, trying to
pray, trying to be practical...Everything
he does is wrong somehow. And there’s still this ominous prediction lingering
in the back of his mind; “you will betray me three times”… (“What does he
expect me to do?! None of this makes sense. I’m just a fisherman and I’m doing
the best I can but he makes everything so difficult.”) So he stuck around, but
not too close. He was beginning to wonder if it was worth it to support Jesus
much longer. Sure, Jesus had shown such amazing power in those days of
ministry—feeding four and five thousand people, healing crippling illnesses,
expelling demons with a word…What happened to that confident, laughing man who
called Peter out of the boat to walk on the water? (Such a crazy fun time! Was
that even real?) And the authoritative judge with a whip giving the boot to the
temple money-changers, denouncing the Pharisee hypocrites? It didn’t seem like
the same person who was now being led away in the darkness without lifting a
finger. What happened to the vision of restoring justice? Setting up this
Kingdom he’s been talking about, defending the poor, delivering the captives,
setting everything to rights? Why…is he just walking away??
(Luke 22:55-62)
There stood Peter, watching the sickening story unfold,
waiting to see what would happen now at the high priest’s house. In his
helpless situation (he’d done all he knew how to do in the garden already, and
Jesus backhanded him with a rebuking “shame-on-you!”) he felt useless and
incompetent, angry with himself for not being able to rescue Jesus, angry with
Jesus for not letting him… And enraged with Judas, wishing he could just get
his hands on that faithless traitor! (Although it also didn’t make sense why
Jesus just let him do what he wanted if he knew it ahead of time! He could have
avoided this whole scene. “Or at least he could have told us! We would have taken care of that scoundrel! Why didn’t he tell
us who it would be?” There it was again, that unnerving quietness of the Lord
heading doggedly to his fate…)
He had already forgotten Jesus’ words to him just after
predicting Judas’ treachery… “you too, Peter, will deny that you even know me!”
He could see Jesus standing inside the house surrounded by dozens of angry men
cranking out lies against him. Peter was tired of thinking about this mess.
“There’s nothing I can do any more; if he wants to get out of this fix, he’ll
have to do it himself. I’m finished. And I’m freezing.” He moved toward the
fire they had lit in the courtyard.
And then the accusations began. First it was an annoyingly
intense doorkeeper gal with too-big eyes, staring at him… Piquantly she
remarked to her companion, “I know that guy. I swear I saw him with the Nazerene
rabbi!” Peter heard it and cringed inside. He quickly tried to hush her up, “Oh
please, I don’t even know who the guy
is! (Why does she have to bring it up right now? This is not exactly the time I
want to be associated with him, he’s
making me so mad!)” But it didn’t stop.
Another, and still another spotted him and called out, “There’s one of that Jesus’ tagalongs! Look, he’s from
Galilee too!” Every word was a prick on Peter’s wounded ego—that name
especially was about the most irritating sound he could think of and he was
SICK of hearing it! “I don’t know what you’re talking about! Would you just
leave me alone!!” he exploded, with all the frustration and disappointment that
had been roiling around in his insides for the last six hours since Jesus
called him out on the servant episode.
The people sat in shocked stillness for a brief moment, and
in the silence one decidedly ordinary sound suddenly pealed into Peter’s
consciousness—the crackling adolescent crow of a nearby rooster. Jesus. Dear
God! The supper, the warning, the prayer…it all came flooding back. He wheeled
around toward the house and could see Jesus also turn his head, oblivious to
the confused arguments flying about him, and for one moment lock eyes with
Peter.
That look—so quick. One second of horrific realization of
those simple words he had just uttered. They had come so naturally he hadn’t
noticed…so easy. And the blinds fell from Peter’s eyes. That was just it. It
was so natural for him to turn on his
best friend. As if he didn’t care what happened here in the most critical time.
Had he really just said he didn’t even know this radically loving man? What WAS
he inside if such an atrocity could wander so easily from his mouth? (“Somebody
just kill me now. GOD—I can’t stand myself any more!”) Now he knew. Judas
wasn’t the only one to betray the Lord. No, Peter never turned his hand against the Lord. Only, in the end,
his words… Was there really any difference? Didn’t Jesus say something once about
denying before his Father anyone who denied him before men? Peter saw the
blackness of his own horrible choking Sin spreading like spilled ink over his
entire being and there was no escaping its corruption. This was him. The big fisherman
cracked and wept with all his soul.
“I have prayed for
you, Simon.”
(To be continued…)
