My theme song

Today

Today I went biking with a couple friends over to a nearby city. Nothing unusual about that in this country--everybody bikes everywhere. In fact, in case you didn't know, bikes have the right of way over EVERYTHING--you can just cruise right through a busy intersection and everybody stops for you!

There IS something a bit unusual about the weather, though. It's kind of like the American midwest. Yeah, you can never tell when a storm will hit with about two minutes warning.

So we're cruising along the dike past idyllic fields of ROSES (no kidding--Mom, you would have loved it!), anticipating coffee and cakes when we reach the town, when the blackness that had been hovering behind the church in our little town suddenly caught up with us! We got SOAKED and the temperature dropped hugely and we were definitely ready for hot coffee by the time we reached the cobblestone streets of Gennup.

The shop was terribly crowded, since we found that there was a festival going on--live music on stage and lots of umbrella tables set up for the various cafes and restaurants. Now being crowded in Holland is different from being crowded in America. Not in a bad way, just. . . in a higher way. . . Yep, I've come to the right place, guys--the Land of the Tall People. I feel nicely petite and delicate, like I'm among Peers at last. :)

Anyway, we shivered our way through coffee, cake and a lovely worst en kees plate (sausage and cheese--GOOD cheese! With cumin seeds...) while the wind blew and the music played . . . Michael Jackson? Wierd. At least they didn't dance like him! And I'm Blue (Abadee Abadi) . . . Now that cracked me up.

I didn't want to come home.

Largely because I didn't want to move. :P Too cold. Sorry to make you jealous, all you "fair-weather" friends! (bwa haha. . . ahem.)

You can't get better at walking on water

Yesterday I needed to hear from the Lord about something. All day, as  I worked, I was trying to listen and really seeking His will about the matter. Come evening I went for a walk and laid out on the grass begging Him to say SOMEthing. Questions were rising about whether He really wanted me in this work anyway, whether I was too attached to this place and was I wanting this next step (school) because it was exciting and new and made me feel good or was it really from HIM. . . But I wasn't getting real conviction about it, just miserable.

He kept reminding me to just relax in Him though, that one way or another His very existence was what sustained me, and even if this community and everything else I love about my life at present were stripped away, He would be more than enough. I agreed--but I still didn't want Him to do that. I didn't want everything I've finally allowed myself to love wholeheartedly to be the Wrong Thing again. "I've been so dead wrong before; when I trusted You for the money for Liberty it didn't happen, when I prayed and fasted for a family matter before India it didn't happen, and there was a certain other area since then where I was DEFINITELY wrong. . . Yes, I'm very glad You worked it out that way NOW, but see how wrong I was? So how in the world can I know I'm not going down again?"

Going Down. Thrashing, flailing, starting to sink. Scared. Why am I always so bad at this??

And then (I felt it so clearly in my spirit) He reached out His hand and grasped mine in His strong grip, pulling me up from the roiling waters, gently into the boat. I saw His face looking kindly at me. Yeah, I had done it again--looked at the waves, feared the wind and lost sight of His eyes that were holding me on the course. He did't rebuke me, but I could see instantly that I had done it to myself.

I got the strong sense, following in the vein of boats, that though He had been "asleep" till the last minute, He would soon "wake up" and take care of everything with a few words. It seemed like perhaps He "slept" so long just so that the disciples (or I) would pay attention and watch closely with growing wonder at what in the world He was about to do. . . since the storm was so hard upon them. . . So instead of freaking out, I wanted to look at His face and wait and wonder what was about to happen. He has so much peace exuding from His person--peace, confidence, perfect control and lightheartedness.

So I stood up, "out of the boat", and started walking home with peace (even though He had not answered my question directly!), and suddenly He said to me, clear as day, "You know you won't get any better at walking on water."

I laughed out loud. How perfectly true! Walking on water is impossible in the first place. You don't get better with practice--there's no way to master the technique, to practice, study or analyze the best way to do it. It only happens when your eyes are locked on His, and that's all there is to it. "You're not responsible to figure out how this all works and how to do it better," He seemed to say. "Just relax--and watch Me."

So I still don't know what He's going to do. I think He's going to do what I hope, but I also feel like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego--"God is able to deliver, He WILL deliver, but even if He doesn't"--I can still move forward without constantly doubting.

Praise the Lord for His lovingkindness is EVERlasting and it will NEVER run out on you. Just when you think you've reached the end of it and now everything will be boring and normal, He whips out another trial to show you MORE of His mercy and make you fall in love with Him all over again! I am so grateful.

What I did this month.

Ironing...

these...

for them.

And setting up...

this room...

for this!

But first getting ready...

to serve...

these lovely ladies (and everyone else)...

--which we don't mind at all!!

After the wedding we got to enjoy the William Penn Inn!

And the (exhausted) work crew after all was said and done. Mae, me, Kay and Megan.

It was awesome guys! :)

Cogitations

Who would have thought ironing could take it out of you?!

Yes, I have been ironing ALL morning. 130 seat covers for 130 chairs with 260 sashes to tie into 130 bows. Five ironing boards, ten ladies. NO AIR CONDITIONING. Only some good reggae on a nice system could make that bearable.

Also remembering how horrible it was to use the steamer first! :) That definitely makes it better.

But still--I'm sacked!

I think we're half done.

This castle is going to be magnificent for Saturday's wedding. Black and white with a riot of different colored flowers. I made new curtains that let the light in in a perfectly ethereal manner right behind the couple.


I went to bed last night MISSING my precious nieces and nephews. Yes I cried--because I'm going to be gone for a very long time. The only thing that makes it worth it is a promise; that if I leave parents and sisters and brothers and home behind for His sake and the Gospel's I WILL RECEIVE THEM BACK 100 times--in this life, no less!

I don't understand how that works. But as I gasp for comfort and resist despair over the prospect of loneliness, I recognize the Hand that is grasping mine SO tightly, I see His face "through a glass" beaming at me. "Hey, you know Me. Have I EVER let you down? You don't have to worry about that stuff. Remember how it feels when you Come Home to Me after a hard day's work? I don't get worn out, and I'm not going ANYwhere. I'm not making you do this, but you KNOW if you do you will go deeper with me and experience more joy than you ever thought possible. It's your choice, my dear, but I WILL be with you wherever you are and you can enjoy that. I have promised."

So I go on that. There is nowhere else TO go! I wish that I were spiritual enough to say with Hudson Taylor, "It is no sacrifice!"--but I have to admit to the weakness. Oh well. If one way or another the Living Light can break through to the Dark Ones through me, even by my weakness, I will be thrilled.

You might say, "You don't have to go to the other side of the world to help people." Jesus did. To the "other side" of the universe, the "other side" of eternity. After all, didn't the Lord Himself leave the most perfect and satisfying existence with His Family in order to come down here into a different--highly inferior--culture (though I'm certainly not saying that others are inferior to mine, only that they often feel that way to both sides, because of the unfamiliarity), learn our language and feel our pains--for why? To adopt us! And that's why I leave mine--so they can know the Father of us all. Reconciliation--that's what it's all about. "Change your thinking, and be reconciled to God."

Then I woke up this morning and just bathed in Ephesians 1. Lord knows I needed it! Sometimes I just gotta remind myself why I do what I'm trying to do. Sometimes people don't understand. Or care. But He does, and you know what? That changes--and fixes--everything.

"Thanks, Lord. I love You so much!"

"I love you MORE!"    



WAY WAY WAY more!!!

Bless you!!!

What I learned today--so far. . .

Alzo lief heeft God de wereld dat Hij sijn eniggeboren Zoon gegeven heeft. Eerste John drie zestien.

To speak Dutch you have to re-train your mouth to retain more spit than it formerly considered necessary for speech....(plug it into google translate and you'll see what I mean).

Eric Ludy - The Gospel